Why Do People Stay?
Leaving an abusive relationship is never as simple as “just walking away.” Survivors face real barriers to leaving, including fear, financial dependence, emotional attachment, and safety concerns. Many survivors leave and return multiple times before they are able to leave for good.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, understanding why leaving is difficult can help replace judgment with compassion and support.
Barriers to Leaving
1. Fear of Safety
Leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Abusers may escalate their violence when they feel they are losing control. Survivors may fear retaliation against themselves, their children, or loved ones.
2. Financial Dependence
Many survivors don’t have financial resources of their own—especially if their abuser controls their money, prevents them from working, or ruins their credit.
3. Lack of Safe Housing
Shelters and affordable housing options are limited. Some survivors may fear becoming homeless or losing custody of their children if they leave.
4. Emotional & Psychological Manipulation
Many abusers gaslight survivors, making them doubt their reality or believe the abuse is their fault. Survivors may also feel guilt, love, or hope that their partner will change.
5. Cultural or Religious Pressure
Some survivors face family, religious, or community pressure to stay in the relationship, even if it is abusive.
6. Isolation from Support
Abusers often cut survivors off from friends and family, making them feel alone and unable to seek help.
7. Concern for Children & Pets
Survivors may worry about how leaving will affect their children, or they may fear losing custody in legal battles. Some also stay because they don’t want to leave their pets behind.
8. Immigration Issues
A partner may refuse to file the papers necessary to legalize their partner’s immigration status, withdraw already filed papers, destroy important papers, or threaten to report the partner to ICE or Immigration Services. If English is not a survivor’s first language, an abuser might isolate the survivor from others who speak their language or prevent them from learning English. If survivors don’t speak English, they might have difficulty accessing resources in their home language or finding culturally and linguistically appropriate help.
Leaving is a Process
Every survivor’s journey is different. Some leave immediately, while others take months or years to find a safe way out. No matter how long it takes, leaving an abusive relationship is an act of courage—not weakness. If you are experiencing abuse, you deserve safety, respect, and support. LifeWire’s advocates can help you explore your options, make a safety plan, and connect with resources.