Throughout their marriage, Rebecca’s husband controlled every aspect of their finances. And while the lease to the house had been in both their names, he stopped paying rent to punish her. Rebecca spent many sleeplessness nights agonizing over the $1,800 she owed her landlord.
Ninety-eight percent of domestic violence survivors experience financial abuse. Some abusers, like Rebecca’s husband, stop making payments. Others gain power and control over their partner by limiting how they spend money, running up huge debts, or destroying their credit. Continue reading “Domestic Violence and Credit”
Unexpected snow day
Debbie was excited when she moved into her own apartment in February. After a year living in shelters, she looked forward to a having a place of her own where she felt safe and could continue to heal.
But, the first morning Debbie woke up to several inches of snow. She didn’t know what to do. The neighborhood was unfamiliar and her fridge and cupboards were still bare.
Continue reading “Weathering the storms”
“Why did you stay in a abusive relationship?”
It’s such a common question asked of those who have either left or considered leaving abusive relationships. Unfortunately, there’s no simple answer. There are lots of factors that can keep people in unhealthy relationships including lack of money, fear, and isolation. Often, guilt plays a major role in why people stay or delay leaving.
What do we even mean by guilt?
One of the ways abusive partners get us to stay with them is by convincing us that its our fault when bad things happen in the relationship and that we deserve them. They do this using tactics like gaslighting, where they make you question things you know to be true, or act like you hurt them even though they’re the one being abusive.
Continue reading “Feeling guilt in your relationship? You’re not alone.”
You are worthy and capable of healthy relationships
That’s an empowering thought, and it’s 100 percent true. If you have a hard time believing it right now, don’t worry. It can take some patience and dedicated self-love to get there.
We recommend saying it aloud to yourself to help internalize it. Some words are the most powerful when they come from within ourselves. So give it a try! Take a deep breath and say to yourself, “I am worthy and capable of building healthy relationships.” Continue reading “This simple exercise can help you build healthy relationships”
There is no easy fix for abuse.
“He promised he’ll change if I stay with him.”
“She needs me to help her become a better person.”
“Relationships are supposed to take work. If I’m patient and strong enough, we can work through this.”
It’s not uncommon to hear hopeful statements like these from people in abusive relationships. That’s because abusers know how to make their partners feel like they have a responsibility to stick around.
Continue reading “Why trying to fix an abusive partner doesn’t work”