Domestic Violence and Child Custody

Courts as a tool for abuse

People often think that when a parent leaves an abusive relationship they will gain primary custody of the children. But many family courts don’t consider domestic violence a reason to deny the abuser partial or full child custody.

Survivors often face an uphill custody battle. This is partly because abusers are more likely than non-abusers to challenge child custody decisions. And 70% of the time, abusers succeed in getting partial or full custody of the children.

Abuse makes it harder for survivors to win custody

Over 94% of survivors experience financial abuse. This means abusers are more likely to have the money and resources to hire a better lawyer. Abusers are also quick to go on the attack, questioning the other parent’s fitness—usually the mother’s—to care for the children. Abusers may accuse their former partners of abuse, mental illness, or drug and alcohol use. And it often works because trauma can affect how survivors recount their abuse and how they present themselves in court.

Survivors, especially women, often struggle to be believed during custody proceedings. They may be accused of lying or exaggerating abuse to get sole custody. A judge might consider a “flat” affect a sign that a survivor doesn’t really care or is lying when it’s really a response to trauma. Even if a survivor is believed, they may not get full child custody.

Understanding domestic violence helps

Survivors fair better in the court system when judges, lawyers, and custody evaluators understand domestic violence and how it affects survivors. This is why LifeWire helps training local prosecutors and attorneys about domestic violence and how it can play out in the courts. Having a support system helps too. LifeWire legal advocates help survivors navigate the legal system and accompany them to court.

King County and Washington state legal resources

Call our 24-Hour Helpline at 425-746-1940 for information about local resources available to you, which include:

King County Domestic Violence Protection Order Advocacy Program: (POAP) helps King County residents petition the courts for protection orders.
Eastside Legal Assistance Program: (ELAP) is a non-profit organization that provides high-quality, no-cost civil legal services to survivors of domestic violence throughout King County and to low-income residents of East and Northeast King County.
The Family Law Toolkit for Domestic Violence Survivors: Created by the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the toolkit helps domestic violence survivors access the information, resources, and support they need to navigate the family law system successfully and to protect themselves and their children from further harm.

Take Action

Make a difference

You can make a difference to your family, friends, and community by taking these simple actions:

1. Practice healthy relationship skills: Learn about the skills necessary to practice healthy communication with others. Talk to others about what healthy relationships mean to you and model respectful behavior in your relationships.

2. Be supportive: If you think someone close to you is experiencing abuse, ask them about it and offer your support. If you think someone you know is engaging in abusive behavior, talk to them and encourage them to seek help. Continue to check in and remain connected and supportive.

3. Stay in the conversation: Help shape the movement against domestic violence. Speak up to stop attitudes and behaviors that oppress others. Be a source of information about domestic violence.

4. Learn about and share resources: Everyone has a role to play in creating healthy, safe, and vibrant communities. Explore our website to find out how you can get involved and make a difference.