Planning to Leave
Leaving an abusive relationship is a deeply personal decision—and it’s not always easy or safe. Many survivors leave multiple times before they are able to leave for good. You are not alone. Whatever you decide, you deserve to be safe, supported, and in control of your future.
Things to Consider Before Leaving
Leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. If your partner senses that you’re planning to leave, they may try to manipulate, threaten, or escalate their abuse to regain control. Planning ahead can help increase your safety.
Ask Yourself:
- Is it safe to tell my partner I’m leaving? Or would it be safer to leave without warning?
- Do I have a safe place to go? A trusted friend’s home, shelter, or advocacy organization can help.
- Do I have access to important documents? Birth certificates, IDs, passports, and financial records are crucial.
- Do I have money set aside? If possible, try to save cash or open a private account.
- How will I stay safe after leaving? An advocate can help with a protection order, address confidentiality, or legal support.
You don’t have to do this alone. LifeWire’s advocates can help you create a personalized safety plan to reduce risks before, during, and after leaving.
How to Prepare for Leaving
If you have time to plan, gather what you can in advance:
- Essential documents – ID, birth certificates, social security cards, financial records
- Cash, bank cards, and emergency money
- Medications and prescriptions
- Keys (home, car, work, safe deposit box)
- A packed bag with clothes and necessities for you and your children
- Evidence of abuse (screenshots of messages, photos, journal entries, police reports)
- Phone numbers for trusted friends, family, and support services
Store these items somewhere safe—with a friend, in your car, or in a place your abuser won’t check.
After You Leave – Staying Safe
Leaving doesn’t always mean the danger is over. Here are ideas for planning:
- Change your locks, phone number, and passwords
- Let trusted people (work, school, child’s daycare) know about the situation
- Get a protection order if needed
- Consider address confidentiality services
- Trust your instincts—if something feels unsafe, honor your experience and feelings
Remember: You are not alone. LifeWire is here to support you, whether you’re staying, planning to leave, or unsure what to do next.